I never really clued in that my medium would be taking photographs. Although the signs were always there, without a camera in the early years, it was hard to know.
I have a vague memory of walking to the bus stop with my brother (he was the only one would ever wait for me). It was newly spring, you know, right when you notice that sometime within the last few days all the leaves grew and you didn't even notice? I was staring off in the distance at the tree line across the field and trying to describe what it was I saw (which was usually why the other sibling left me behind). No, it wasn't just trees I saw. It wasn't just green. No, its not JUST beautiful. I remember saying, "it just looks so... real...". He laughed and said, "it is real!" And I said, "NO! it looks so.... so.... so real....". haha. Maybe I meant surreal. Im not sure. But I can tell you now, with more descriptive words then and eight year old, what I saw. I thought it looked like a painting with beautifully contrasting colors three dimensionally popping off the canvas to lure you in to some sort of fantasy world. Like in the movie 'What Dreams May Come'! Only this painting looked so unbelievably real it was overwhelming. Haven't you ever seen a painting or drawing that looked so real you thought it was a photograph of something real until you looked closer and realized it was a painting? Thats what it looked like to me. It was something so beautiful it was hard to believe it was real. And here's the kicker folks, It WAS real! haha. Its amazing, I know, that everything natural came out perfectly perfect.
And I didn't just see it either. I could feel it. I can feel it. Its a breath of pure, natural, God given beauty. And each leaf and branch and blade of grass had a sort of light, a warming glow radiating off of it. Another alluring feature of this "picture" I saw. You could only imagine my frustration by not being able to communicate this to my brother. And everyone! Its never left me. Everywhere I go, I say "look" and they say, "uh huh. very nice". "no LOOK!". "yeah its nice!" .... No.. Don't look. See.
This is the same when I look at people. Sometimes I feel like Im looking at an angel. Or other things, but it can be overwhelming at times. And I want for other people to see this too. To not only understand what I see, but to be able to see it too. Which is how I came to do photography. I learned how to capture what I saw, so that other could see. How I feel when I take a photograph, its like being able to describe something using lots of fancy descriptive words.(Which clearly wasn't a whole lot more from when I was eight) And now, do you see what I see? Its so very satisfying for me.
You are beautiful, do you see? The sky is beautiful. The water is beautiful. Your child is beautiful, your smile is beautiful, your eyes are beautiful! This mess is beautiful, these colors are beautiful, the trees are beautiful, and all your perfect imperfections are beautiful!!
See?
